Major life changes often bring about changes in other areas, existing relationships being one of the first things to go.
Lots of doctors, lawyers, professional people dump their partner upon graduation, or soon after, when they change their everyday social context and start coming into regular contact with new people…and of course realizing they can now do better than you (in their mind anyway).
Bad on you for snooping, but given the circumstances, it’s totally understandable. And looking at some phone logs…well in the whole grand scheme of things, it’s not that bad.
So therefore, good on you for following up. So now that you have this information, what are you going to do?
So, let’s review.
(1) She selectively erases only his email.
Why? The ones you saw were innocuous. The ones you didn’t see may have been more juicy, but probably not. Even though the actual text of the emails were probably not incriminating, in her mind, she knew she was carrying on something secretive, something illicit.
So even if she provided a full transcript and it turned out to be super boring, it’s irrelevant. The fact she is hiding her tracks tells you the emotional context surrounding those emails. It may not be visible on the page, but it’s there.
(2) She gets many frequent calls throughout the day.
Many many short calls. This calling pattern only happens in either ending a love relationship/stalking (where attention is unwanted) or beginning a new love relationship (where attention is desired).
So I think we’ve established that there is a personal, emotional connection between the two of them. As to whether it’s become a physical relationship, we can’t tell with the data you’ve supplied thus far.
But anyways, it’s almost moot anyways. Once you win their heart and mind (emotional), the body is a foregone conclusion. (Although my guess is that no, they have not slept together).
So…let’s assume this hadn’t happened.
What do you want? With whom do you want to be with?
Assume for a moment that you aren’t a borderline slacker, and would not continue being with her simply out of inertia or lack of effort in searching out a new partner.
If you could custom design your partner…how close would she be to it?
Ask yourself what YOU want. Decide if how closely she fits to that.
Then determine whether this is worth saving or not. If you expended a lot of effort, I think it probably is savable.
Although if she does not satisfy her curiosity now, I think in 3-6 years there will be a repeat occurrence, with more serious consequences, esp. if you have children by then. This is actually a blessing in disguise.
